Most people know what a tough few months these last ones have been with one day being engaged and the next being single. No words can describe how it all felt.
I felt like I hadn't tried my best to persuade him that we could work. I realised that when two people that I work with had gotten back together. That was a complete shock to me because they seemed that they had passed the point of getting back together. When I found out their news I was so happy for them – yet so sad for myself because I wouldn't get the happy ending that they got. And then when I got promoted it made me think about to the time that I went on the OJE for the promotion and he had referred to it as “our promotion”. At the time it was our promotion and to an extent it still is ours, if I hadn't have completely thrown myself into work after being left broken hearted then I may not have gotten to place I am now.
After really thinking what could I do to make me happy I realised that it came all back him. I spoke to a few people about what I was thinking and came up with the idea of asking him out on a date. Yes I truly put myself out their. But I got some great words from a friend “but hey loves with it m’dear” that gave me the courage. That horrible feeling in your tummy and clammy hands but I asked him. I had already put so much thought into what we could do and where we could go. What I'd planned I thought was perfect. He said no. That was the first time I'd asked someone out on a date and I got a no, I must have the worst history with guys! He'd said that there was too much ‘water under the bridge’. It really annoyed me, how can you go from taking a chance in getting engaged to someone to not having the slightest feeling to take chance to go on a date with them?
Well we had settled on going for a drink as friends. Arranged a date and everything then the evening before got that message that I was kind of expecting. Yes I got cancelled on. Even though I left it open to rearrange nothing was said or even hinted. Now that I am moving back to Northampton and I know he is back living there and we hadn't seen each other since he rang me to tell me that we were completely over. I don't think that I'd be ready to just bump into him on the streets. At least if I knew it was coming then I'd be ready.
It’s getting so close to what would have been our anniversary and I'm dreading it more and more.
