My blog has taken such an invisible role in the last few
months. And believe me, writing this now it such a strange feeling, I am
feeling like it has been way too long. I have half written many blogs but I have
had little motivation to finish them. Now I am feeling like if I do not finish
this one, I may never blog again.
I have thought so much about my blog and things that I have
wanted to write about but a lot just makes me what to write anonymously. I am
in such a split mind about what to do. I only want one blog and there is only
so much that can be said in one that everyone knows who is writing it. Yes,
like everyone else I have things that I don’t really want to broadcast with
people knowing it was me.
Have you ever worked really hard for something that at the
time you thought that you really wanted and at the time you thought it would
make you happier?
I made a very rash decision and now there is not a chance of
being able to turn the clock and think about what I was actually thinking about
doing. Once I make my mind up I do not wait and think about what will happen
when I follow it through.
My mum said to me one day when I was home, ‘why hadn’t I thought
about getting a job where I am at uni’. And at the time, home was so different
and if I was living there now, yes it would still be the same. Once you are so
used to living on your own, as in without your parents bottle feeding you and
doing everything for you, it is almost impossible to go back. I have grown into
loving my own independence. I would not want to live back at home permanently
again. Although all I want at the moment is to go home and my mum to ask me
what I would like to for tea and to not have to make it myself.
I saw pictures of my sister on Facebook the other day and I
had no clue that it was her! I only realised that it was her when I saw that
she was tagged in the picture. I am missing out on so much and the way that
things are going at work, when I will be returning for good back the Derbyshire
is moving greater and greater into the distance.
It is this that is constantly on my mind and I am not sure
how I feel about it.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my job and what could happen, but
here is not home. The question I am really asking myself at the moment is, do I
really want this and is it really worth it.
At the moment these are things that I really need to think
about.
Everyone says that “the grass is greener on the other side”.
And I do not want to get to the other side and be disappointed. Yet the half of
me does not want to regret not doing something.
This is one big decision that I actually need to bloody
think long and hard about. You only get one shot at life and all I want is to be happy.
