It All Started With A Sky Dive

It was recently one of my dearest friends’ birthdays and she got a sky dive as a present from her sister. If my Bister did anything like that for me I would just be so touched! (After watching Katie and Peter me and my sister started calling each other Bister like Junior calls Princess, sad but I do love my Bister). Yes I am very happy for her as it really is an amazing gift but I secretly want to knock her out because I would bloody love to do it instead of her. So this got me thinking yes I know where I want to end up in life but I want to have some fun along the way. So I wanted to write a mini bucket list (mini because I don’t want to think about death yet, far too daunting) before I get to being this all amazing English teacher. Let me just note these are in no particular order.

Number One:  Sing Wuthering Heights Kate Bush style in a karaoke bar.

It is no secret of mine that I love Wuthering Heights, I love the novel, I love Emily Bronte and I love the song. In a past life I truly believe that me and Emily (Bronte) were best friends and if I could have even the smallest of chats with her today I think I would bite my own arm off so that I could actually see what she was like and I’ll just put out I’m not a fan of catabolism.

I used to sing Wuthering Heights all day every day at sixth form; I do not sing it at all anymore. I want to go back to not caring what people think of my singing voice, and please believe me when I tell you if you had the pleasure of hearing me singing Wuthering Heights you would find it life changing!

Number Two: Get a tattoo.

What I really, really, really want is, okay I am a little embarrassed to say this but a Wuthering Heights quote. I just need to again express how much I do love it! I have some of the best memories from studying this novel at sixth form. One of the best moments for me when making and eating an “I AM HEATHCLIFF” cake, it was the most beautiful and tastiest cakes ever!

Number Three: Travel

I know the UK is so small and although it makes me feel so insignificant to think about how big the world is I just don’t feel like I could live a life without seeing as much as I could. Me and my Bister said we would travelling in America after I have finished University, yes I cannot wait, but I would like to travel more than America. This is where I need get myself organised and get some friends together and plan, or maybe get someone who is a lot more organised to come along and plan it all so I don’t have the stress of it all.

Number Four: See a Shakespeare Play

Ever since doing the most amazing Shakespeare play Much Ado About Nothing I have always wanted to see one of his plays. I do not mind what one I saw I just really like Shakespeare and when I saw that for my next year modules there is a whole module on him, I very nearly cried!!

Number Five: Go on a girls holiday

I suppose this is linked into Number Three, but by a girls holiday I mean a drinking holiday. Yes I know a lot of you who know me well know that me and drink do not go together very well, but I missed out on going for a girly holiday before University and I feel like I am very much missing out. Recently I have been getting myself into a complete state every time I go out, the best thing about the day after you go out is your friends telling you what happened. In my case it is never good but this girl that does and says very embarrassing things is defiantly not me, hence why I haven’t been put off drinking. Although a girl’s holiday would ruin my liver I feel that it needs to be done.

Number Six: Apply for Big Brother or Coach Trip

I have always wanted to go on Big Brother and I was truly gutted when Channel 4 said they were axing it. It is typical that as soon I am old enough to apply that they axe it. Now that they have brought Big Brother to Channel Five I don’t think I could go on it, the rating for it cannot be that good plus I would have much preferred Davina interviewing me. So I think I shall need to apply for second best and go on holiday with Brendan instead.

Number Seven: Go to Carnage

Yes I know most people coming close to the end of their first year at University have been to Carnage but as I go to Northampton University our first Carnage was cancelled. So when it came to the day of the reorganised one you can imagine I was very much looking forward to it! But due to unfortunate circumstances I did not make it out that evening, waking up the next morning to find that half of my body was so bruised and sore and that I hadn’t even cut my top up. This I feel is one of them nights that I regret; I regret not making it out and regret lowering the mood for everyone else who went out that night.

Can Any Break Up Really Be Easy?

After listening to many Adele song I just can’t make myself feel better about a break up that was meant to be (yes I know Adele isn’t the right person to listen to but she knows exactly how I am feeling). I don’t believe what I had with them was meant to be forever but I suppose every eighteen year old girl feels like that when she has a boyfriend, although this boyfriend was more than just a ‘bit of fun’ I did really like him and I did care for him hence why I had to break it off because one way or another we both would have ended up getting hurt…

All lads treat girls the same. They lie and tell a girl that they like them but they are not only telling me that they are telling several girls the same thing. They tell them that they like them and then the next thing you know they either have a girlfriend or they tell you that they don’t want a relationship with someone from work. My life story. The moment that you really like a guy he just seems to ruin it,

In this case I ended it. And I still stick by my choices for ending it because I needed to. I really did not want to hurt this lad I was with and I am not the kind of person that would be not able to hurt a lad. Even if I tried I would still find a way of breaking a lads heart. Well saying that I mean if they didn’t break my heart first…

So this lead me to the conclusion that what are you meant to do when you do not want to hurt someone but they are instant to tell you that you really hurt them. Now I am someone that feels really bad when I upset someone but that doesn’t mean that I should cave in and say lets give it another go when I know that it isn’t working for me.

But how do you know when to say “look I am going to hurt you so stop caring about me”? It is easy for me to sound distance texting or bbming and it is even easy for me to sound distance talking on the phone, because deep down I know  that I am doing the right thing. Maybe it isn’t the right think for the other person but it is the right thing for me at that time of my life.

How can you make someone believe that they are not good enough for you? When is it okay to say “please let go of me, I am not worth your feelings”, when? Because I think everyone needs this advice!!

It is one of them points in my life when I do and don’t want someone to tell me what to do. I want to be told because I just don’t know what is right and what is wrong to do but I don’t because if I do it and it is wrong for me I will blame them and I really don’t know if I would be able to forgive them for giving me bad advice….

Try your best to be true to yourself

First Blog, Wish Me Luck

Since starting university in September I was a nice normal lovely girl, maybe a little bit boring but who isn’t?

Then BAM I am thrown into the world of living on my own, making new friends and finding myself. The last one is maybe the hardest of them all. Actually forget the maybe, it IS the hardest of them all. I am fine with living on my own I never really felt like I clicked in my household, and friend wise yes I didn’t have many friends but they were good friends and that’s all anyone would want to ask for, right? But finding myself is something that I am still trying to do, I am doing thing I never ever thought I would be doing and acting like this person I just don’t recognise. Not only do I not recognise this person I am becoming I am not sure if I want to become this horrible girl that messes people around and has no morals.

So how do I stop myself becoming this mess of a girl? How am I going to draw a line between the me I used to be and the now me and find an in between that I fit into. I wouldn’t be able to go back to being boring and honestly a nobody.

I have never been the most confident of girls, I would have never gone up to a lad in a club and start chatting and dancing with them but this girl now is so confident she, I quote got called “too forward” this lad that called me that was most likely a munter because no lads are amazingly hot from the university I go to but the pre drinking had got to me (no change there, but that is another story completely). Before September I would have been waiting for a lad to come up to me and if they would have I would have been too shy to do anything about it.

What I am trying to say (which I haven’t expressed very well) is that is confidence really a good thing? I don’t know if guys find it attractive, when I go out I really do not care I just go on up and if they knock me back who cares there are plenty more lads that I can have a cheeky flirt with. And why shouldn’t I like who I am becoming? We are told constantly to love who we are, but who actually loves who they are?

Because I’m guessing no one ….

Try your best to be true to yourself